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So Gender Queer is a putting together two words, gender and queer.
And we talked a bit about gender.
Queer, I really like queering as a verb.
And to me that means to challenge the norm or to
push against- to push against established forces,
in particularly oppressive forces.
Forces that trying to tell people they can't be who they are,
or need to conform to some expectation about some expectation that doesn't fit for them.
Doesn't help them thrive and live well.
And I really like the idea of queering is a verb from
a workshop on the concept of Nero queering,
which is about looking at what it means to be
queer or to queer as a verb
from the position of someone who has a neurology that's not typically,
some atypical neurology like someone who might be diagnosed
as having Asperger's disorder or autism disorder or
sensory integration disorders or people who just have atypical neurology
that doesn't have to be pathologized, but just atypical.
And what it means to be to
queer from that perspective is to just show up as you
are in a world that doesn't expect you to be that way.
And I really resonated with that from a gender perspective showing up as
I am in a world that doesn't expect me or doesn't approve of me being who I am,
is to queer that space or that group or that idea.
So I remember in high school using language
like- and this is language that often,
you know, is maybe a trigger or a red flag for some but
feeling the best words of the time are like a lesbian trapped in a man's body.
Some sense of being attracted to women,
wanting to being sexually attracted to women,
but wanting to be able to engage in sexual activity from-
as a woman or as a feminine.
And so that was one place in
throughout time identifying different aspects of
masculinity and femininity within myself.
At times having an idea of being
man-ish or thinking of like identifying as, like male.
Maleness is a car.
I'm riding around the car with the window rolled down, an arm hanging out.
Something like that or a scale of masculinity and
the femininity identifying is somewhere in between on that dimension.
I thought at times about would it make sense to transition,
do a transition in gender role to present as female.
Considered that and that never quite seemed
right either because as I look at womanhood and femininity,
similar to maleness, I identify as- resonate with that in some ways but not entirely.
If there were colors- if femininity is red and maleness is blue, then I'm purple.
I wear purple. And so that's why I like purple,
as it's a mix of colors, a blending.
I have used the word male to describe myself at times when I was trying on, well,
maybe I'm just one particular type of male,
and that was okay for a while,
but where I am now is genderqueer or even agender,
not having a sense of fitting in with the concept of gender.
But living in a society that has gender or concepts of gender.
I would say that friends who
know me well have known all along that I often question gender
and have an experience of gender that doesn't neatly fit male or female experience.
One thing that's different is that in the past few years I have decided to
use the gender neutral pronouns through just observing my own comfort.
When people use different words about me and noticing
that when people use he and him and describing me in the third person,
it feels like it- like they're talking about part of me.
And I've experimented a bit with,
you know, people refer to me as she or her.
That also feels like it touches part of me or describes part of me.
But when people use either gender neutral pronouns like they, them,
or refrain from using pronouns altogether and just use my name or something like that,
that feels very comfortable.
And as people have done that with me and I've become more used to that,
whenever someone does use a gendered pronoun like he or him,
I get a little catch of discomfort it's not a huge thing,
but it's a little thing, it's a little bit like,
you know, someone like, you know, bumps your arm.
No big deal. But then they keep bumping and
bumping your arm and then they're like bumping your arm all day long,
and after a while it just kind of builds up into this stop it, just stop it.
And it's one of those things
where any one instance is
so minor that it feels awkward to bring it up or challenge it or say hey,
you know, rather you use gender neutral pronouns with me because it could interrupt
the flow or you're trying to pay attention or something else.
But it adds up in a way that can become very aggravating.
And so people who are close to me know that I prefer gender neutral pronouns.
And by and large they use them with me.
A lot of people I know, forget and default to he and him because I am most
closely aligned- societal expectations
of what a man looks like and I can't fault them for that.
It's an automatic thing that we all get trained into.
I'm trained into that as well.
I make assumptions about people's gender all the time.
I try to challenge that,
recognize that that happens and set it aside and know that I may
be incorrect in my assumptions about how they want to be referred to.
So I have compassion about them and it's a challenge
with people who are close to
me who even though they intend and agree with that and want to do it,
for some reason they never catch it,
and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Rebecca Graetz, EdDInstructor
Annette McNamara
